Before You Get Therapy - Just Stop & Breath

One of my favourite films of all time, Dead Poets Society is such a sad film when you realise how much suffering Robin Williams was going through in his own life.

The quote 'Carpe Diem - Seize the day' still resonates with me as I read so much about the weight everyone is carrying on their shoulders and the filters we all put up now a days.

I recently read an article on smiling depression and I really love this phrase, as I see so many people suffering with this and now being a therapist it is so hard not to preach about how I can help to fix it, when the truth is, as a therapist, I can't fix anyone. 

All I can do is facilitate someones transformation but they first must make that decision to seize the day and break the cycle. That is why we need to breath.

My personal journey is a classic case of of lack of trust in the system and people, being told I need help and then being let down. 

I now know the problem was me and I cannot blame anyone else because no one can affect my mood unless I let them, however this becomes more difficult when those close to you are hurting.

I recently changed my website because I didn't want therapist all over it. When I was in pain, I just wanted to feel connected with someone who could help me. 

The irony is that what we think we need, to get connection with another to help us, is actually not what we need, what we need to do is connect with ourselves first. Only you can help yourself, a therapist only guides you.

When you are in pain, going to a therapist still sounds to me like 'I have no control', 'I am a failure', 'I need someone else to help me' and 'this will impact my life negatively'. 

This is why I love the term smiling depression. Smiling depression and worse still people wanting to end there life is not about anything other than control, or lack of it. 

We want help, but we want control of that. When you are in permanent survival mode you can't trust. 

I am so in awe now of anyone who says "I need help", because that vulnerability now puts them in control. However our traditional support structures often tell people what to do and dis-empowers people and that is why I believe Smiling Depression is a silent killer.

That is why I love RTT because the client is in the driving seat not the therapist and you're not in therapy for months, waiting for the next session, you are fixing your amazing mind and that gives you the most awesome control in the world. 

If you suffer from smiling depression it is therefore particularly important to get help. Sadly, though, people suffering from this condition usually don’t, because they might not think that they have a problem in the first place, I know I didn't.

For me the classic signs were:

• Obsessing over things at work that I had no control over
• Trying to prove myself to others
• Over caring
• Feeling guilty about feeling sad and how my actions are affecting others
• Over rationalising
• Feeling that I didn't have the right to burden others with my problems
• Blaming others for my pain

I believe smiling depression is the disease of the most amazing people in the world, the carers, those who want to make a difference in a world that seems selfish and cruel.

They give there breath away and feel as if they receive nothing back and that is painful.

We need to give and receive equally to create balance in our lives just like breathing in and out. Breathing is a metaphor in many cases to living a happy life.

Taking too much is like breathing out, which also causes pain.

So taking time for you, is not selfish it is your right, so you can create balance and have the ability to serve others, to allow them to find the freedom and peace to breath.

So the smiling carer buries the pain, smiles and carries on. One of my favourite images again with Robin Williams face on is the one below.

This is so true because to break the cycle you need support, but that thought means you have to burden others, so the cycle continues. 

So how can you break this cycle? 

A starting point is knowing that this condition actually exists and that it’s serious. Only when we stop rationalising away our problems because we think they’re not serious enough can we start making an actual difference. 

I wished I hadn't waited until a broke and was forced to find a way through, I am not critising mental health or other emergency services but have you ever thought those who are there to help us are also suffering with smiling depression?

I hope this insight may be enough to help people turn things around, because once you start to forgive yourself and understand this is easy to fix, it puts you on a path to seeking help and breaking free from the shackles of depression that have been holding you back.

Now I got to a stage that I had to be selfish to help myself and that is the key. If you are the carer and you love to help people, you cannot help anyone if you are empty inside, you need to recharge and sort you out first. It's ok to say "I am really sorry I need some me time".

Now you can go for therapy, go to the gym, do meditation and I recommend all that but the one thing you can do which is free and takes minutes is find 2-5 minutes, close your eyes and just breath.

When I started this I found it hard, to spend time to actually breath deeply takes effort, however the benefits just after 30 seconds are as good as any therapy.

Breathing reduces the cortisol that triggers our fight or flight response and helps lift the fog.

Breathing gives us the time to think rationally so we can then look to find that support we need.

This is the problem with therapy, it isn't the key, breathing, connecting with yourself, loving yourself is.

On my vision board I have decided my life aim is to find inner peace and freedom, because all the things we believe will give us that, good qualifications, decent job, money, things are just a race you will never win.

Taking time just 2 - 5 minutes to breath will give you the thing you actually need. The good thing is once we find inner peace we can then have clarity of thought to build that abundant life we want.

In latin the word breath is  'Spiritum' if you reverse google translate that the word it translates to spirit. 

So to breath is to connect with the inner spirit, to find connection with your inner soul. 

Feeling that our lives matter is ultimately what gives us purpose and meaning – and this can make a significant difference for our mental health and well-being. 

So we must connect to ourselves, find our spirit, our breath.

Therapy especially Rapid Transformational Therapy can help direct us to our purpose and can help make us make our way in the world, but start simple and just breat, first and give yourself some time.

So try it, when you feel stressed, depressed and just not enough. Take sometime just a few minutes, find a quite space and consciously breath deeply. Do this every day and you will find the world starts to become a better place.

Take care everyone and remember

You are enough, always have been, always will be.

So just breath and start to Make Your Life Count. 💓